Book Smart vs. Street Smart

As a college graduate, I pride myself in earning the degree that I worked so hard for four years. When I entered the real world six years ago, I realize that my degree was basically close to useless.  Don't get me wrong, education can take us far in life since it opens doors to opportunities that we might not be able to enter if we do not have a degree but as I experience more of life, I discover that there are special skills that are needed in order to survive in the real world.  Being street smart is necessary for the survival of the real world; being street smart encompasses a set of skills that are needed for us to do well in the outside world.  Being street smart means: to know what is going on around you, to make good judgement base on what you observe, to be able to communicate and respond in a way where deems necessary, to be able to detect danger, to be able to know what to say at the right time and place.  Book smart means you are able to read and understand books in school and do well on tests.  In essence, book smart and street smart are skills one must learn and continually to learn in his lifetime.

Is book smart or street smart better? It depends on who you ask and the background of that person.  I believe you need both to survive and do well in the real world.  Without one or the other, you may not be able succeed in whatever goal you want to.  I recently read a blog where the blogger believes street smart will lead to book smart since you learn how to adapt and know what works and what does not work in an academic setting; I agree with every world the blogger states but I think you need both in order to do well in life.  Both skills are essential to adapting and they guard one another for potential problems that may arise.  

How to be street smart:

1. Go out more

2. Know your surrounding

3. Know where your belongings are.
4. Know how to read people-- no matter what is the distance and what is the relationships you have with the other person.

The good news is being street smart and book smart are skills we all can train ourselves to be better.  They help us in one way or another in every situation we put ourselves in. It's only the matter if we are willing to open our arms to the idea and train ourselves.  

Time as the Healer

The past four years have been the hardest part of my life.  I was fighting uphill battles every day where I have no way of winning and the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far way and unreachable; I was crushed every day by the external factors that I had no control over and no matter what I do, things just get worst and worst over time.  I hated every minute of it and to be honest I still hate 60% of my life right now; four years ago, my life agenda was all planned out by years. I was supposed to finish graduate school by 29 and then get married at 30 and have a kid or two but the plan failed to work out and I find myself to have to play by ear and hope everything would turn out the way it supposed to be.  My personal and professional life took a hard hit especially; I had to let go  of friendships that were expired a long time ago and which were unhealthy to keep around and I had to choose a different career path.  To be honest, I was young and naive so I didn't know what I was looking for in relationships and the thought of picking the right career for me never cross my mind; I chose a career where money was in abundant and where I know for sure I would make enough to live in a big house and car.

Four years later, I finally come into term with my life right now.  I feel free to do what I want and say what I want now without feeling guilty about it.  Certainly, I still have some shitty days and there are time where I want to fly to another planet and not have to come back. but I am a better person because of all the difficulties I had to go through.  Time is a odd being; it has the power to turn a person's life upside down and it can turn a life for the better in just a second.  Time is definitely a healer and it's definitely healing me slowly as I walk on this path we all call "life."  I finally accept life for what it is and the grudge I used to hold back is finally releasing itself.  Acceptance frees the soul and it heals whatever wounds that were inflicted upon it, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally or not.  Time and acceptance go hand-in-hand and when they converge, we see life for what it is and focus on the important things in life.  Time is not just a number, it's a living being that can transform us into a different being at any time or place.  

Exposure to New Things

Educators always encourage students to be well-rounded and even study abroad and try new activities in order to help our brain grow and for us to develop our personality. I took the advise lightly back then but I see the benefits and usage of it today.  When we expose ourselves to new activities, we learn quicker because we connect ideas and what we are learning at a faster pace.  I had one of the "connection" experience yesterday at a Sri Lanka restaurant in LA and it was the least place I expected it.  As I sip on the spicy beef curry and eating the dry rice with a wrap called Thosa, I thought about the beef curry my mother used to make all the time growing up. I thought about the beef curry that the Indian restaurant I enjoy was like  and how the spicy level varies base on the cook and the preference of the person who eats.  The connection was there and I felt like I was understanding what I was eating for the first time; the best part was, I was able to hear my voice as I connect the ideas and the revelation was definitely a big stepping stone to help me be more aware of what is going on around me.  The key to being a good learner is to be able to connect separate ideas and combine them to know the learner see the whole picture and experiences can help that process at a quicker pace.

The Hardest Teacher

Out of all my 8+ years of education, I have had some of the hardest and meanest teachers but there is one teacher that I am still trying to understand every single day: it's the real world.  For the past four years, the real world has given me tests after tests and my score definitely is not great like some of my grades in college; I would say my the tests given to me by life so far has been the average grade of a C and D.  I struggled so much to learn and try to understand what she is teaching me because in the real world, there is no such thing as lecture.  You are given the tests before the lessons, and it expects to you self-learned most of the time and if you fail to get the lessons, life will bring endless miseries your way which we can call it "consequences;" these consequences are not stressed-free; they are very stressful and might cause insomnia over night and numerous bout of rage.  There is no shortcut to learning many of the lessons: you just have to roll your sleeves up, dive in, and try to study it as you go and pray that you will get it.

Despite the negatives that come from learning from the real world, there are many great lessons you can learn from it.  Here are a few lessons you can learn:

1. How to think for yourself.  People can smell if you can think for yourself from afar. Adults do not like people who cannot think for themselves and life do not give pardon to those who always depends on people to think for them.  You have to master this skill in order to succeed in any part of life--whether it's in your personal or professional relationships.

2. How to stand up for yourself.  This is one of the hardest lesson I learned over the past four years and the more I practice, the better I am at it.  Standing up for yourself requires that you know yourself and you are aware of your surrounding.

3.  How to fake confidence. Sometimes, we don't have any confidence; sometimes, we feel so shitty inside that we just want to hide in a cave forever and not have to come out. But hiding will not do any good and in the real world, it's not possible.  So what do you do? You fake it until you become what you want to be.

4.  How to manage time.  New college grads who have close to zero working experience will have the hardest time getting this.  It takes practice and it is definitely trial-and-error as you learn it.

5. How to solve problems.  School teaches us how to do test problems that have one answers which the teacher wants but in the real world, there is no one answer that fixes any problem.  There are multiple answers that can solve a problem and you have to use your best judgement to resolve the problems.

6. How to deal with conflicts.  No one like conflicts, we shun away from them like a deadly cancer but sometimes it's completely impossible to avoid it.  You just have to learn how to deal with it as you go.  Overtime, we learn how to deal with conflicts accordingly.

7. How to deal with people.  There are so many personalities out there and we have to adapt to each one as we continue on whatever journey we are in life.  It's hard because we might not be able to click with or know how to deal with certain person.

In conclusion, the real world can be a pain as a teacher but it can teach us and bring us far in life than we ever anticipate. Give yourself patience if you are struggling to understand what the real world is trying to tell you because you will get it. Our brain is wired to solve and to understand what we need to learn and it will get it eventually.

Self-Control

I almost got into an argument with someone today.  I did not like how he was treating me and his behaviors were obscene and socially unacceptable at every level.  I wanted to scream and yell at him for what he was doing and to even physically hurt him.  I gave him so many chances to be my friend and to get along with him but as time passes by, it proves my tactics are not working and that I will have to accept it for what it really is.  However, today was an exception; I was going through a lot and what he did only press my button further and as I walked toward him, I heard my own voice telling me to stop it.  I did not hear it but it was definitely a naturally instinct since I have been in this situation before.  After the situation, I realize I have master the art of self-control.  It's definitely an accomplishment that I was not expecting for.

Here are a few lessons I learned about self-control:
1.  Self-aware is important.  We need to be aware of what we are doing and what is happening around us in order to be self-controlled.  When we are not conscious of our action, everything around us is, and maybe for sure, out of our hand and we have no control over them.

2.  In the height of anger, it's imperative that we go to a place alone and calm down. When we stop the situation, we can think more clearly and we do not let things get to us. This act removes us from the source and cause and it helps us to interpret and see what is going on and as a result, we make better and wiser decisions.

Self-control is a skill that has to be learned and practiced constantly in order for us to see the result.   We all can master the skill and it is only a matter of us willing to learn it and put it to good use in our lives.   It can improve our professional and personal life and make us smarter as a person.

The Aha Moment

Learning is definitely one of the hardest tasks a person has to master in order to succeed in life; we need to know how to learn correctly in school and even at work; that's why life-long learn succeed in life, they are constantly learning and embracing all the opportunities of learning.  It's a skill we have to master in order to process all the information that is given to us.  When we learn something new, there is a tendency where we will get confused and come even to point of frustration because we do not get it; those reactions are actually normal and we have to embrace it rather than letting them pull us down or worst, letting them stopping us from learning.  We have probably all been there and it's definitely a stage we have to go through in order to understand something.  The best part about learning occurs when we finally understand something; when we finally get it and can apply what we learn in numerous settings and situations.  It's feeling we will never forget and it's probably one of the best feeling we can have in life; it's the "aha" moment we wait for and it's something we will never want to let go.  So go ahead learn something today; learn how to cook that favorite dish of yours, learn how to make friends, learn how to make money, learn how to do well in school; because in the end, the reward will be worth it.

My Sailing Experience

I went to sailing for the first time today in Newport Beach and the experience in itself taught me a lesson or two about life.  We sailed from the Lido Island area to most of Newport Beach area.  As I sat on the sailing trip, I notice how humble and how obedient the ship it toward it's surrounding; it did not argue with the captain or fight back whichever the wind blew; it followed through and was never hesitant on which pathway that the wind guided.  In the same way, I think happiness comes from the fact that we accept life for what it is and not fight it especially if it doesn't go our way.  I think letting life happens rather than trying to manipulate it is a lesson we learn as we age and come to understand over time.  It's not an easy lesson to accept and understand but time plays a huge role in helping us to learn and digest it.  Like the sail boat, we need to let things happen and to come to term with it rather than trying to fix everything by ourselves; sometimes, some stuff in life are not fixable and it is out of our control and we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride and see where it will take us.  When we accept this fact, happiness then is not a condition and it's not related to our circumstance anymore, it's a state of mind.

Things You should Give Up Chasing

We all want to feel accepted, to feel wanted, to feel loved by someone else.  It's a natural need as a human since that's how we learn about ourselves and life, it's how we find our identity.  However, what if this need is useless and not of any help to us; what if it is more of a hindrance to our personal development and growth as a person.  In an article on Lifehack, it lists the things we should give chasing no matter what people say.  Some of the "things" the article mentions are people, love, money, approval, and security; we can all relate one way or another to one of those factors.  As a 20s something person, I am guilting to chase all of the things the article mentions.  I find myself to constantly chase people, love, money, approval, and security and the funny thing is those things do not last once I have them; in fact, they are fleeting; one day, I have people's approval and love and the next day I lose it and they are gone.  I don't know if it's a misfortunate or unlucky situation that I am in but I think millions of other people on the planet earth experience it before or is going through the same circumstance; they have everything they want one day and then it is out of their hand the next day.  I think when we stop chasing them, when we acknowledge that life might choose not to go our way that 's when we are happy, that's when we find where we exactly belong.

Source: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/14-things-you-should-give-chasing-matter-what-others-say.html

The Scary Stuff

I did something scary today. It's something I would have never done ten years back.  It's something my immigrant parents would not approve at this very moment. It's something I wanted to do for so long but never had the gut to do it: I booked a European tour for the first time.  Many people are well-traveled and the thought of exploring different countries adds more excitement to their life and they cherish those thoughts of being able to step on a foreign land; I mean who does not want to be exiting? That's how you attract people, a life partner, and friends to your life; it's how you get notice in a group setting and even at work.  I contemplated on traveling to Europe ever since college years and maybe even at a younger age than that; in fact, I wanted to study abroad but I declined due to financial reasons.  Now, having my own money gives me the freedom to do what I want without the constraint of any financial reason or any older adults' objection; the money I saved up gives me wings to do what I want and it takes the fear of the unknown away--of course, the fear is alleviated but not taken away.  I mean I am still scared of going on this trip as a 27-year-old person. As I ordered my tour today and as I talked to the traveling agent, second thoughts appeared before me: am I doing the right thing? What if I get kidnapped and killed in Europe? What if I don't have enough money to do any of the fun stuff there? What if I am not good enough? What is I am not brave enough? What if I am not smart enough to find the right direction to go where I wanted?

One thing I learned for the past three years is that many self-improvement acts are frightening.  They help you grow as a person but at the same time, you might have to face your inner critics and the self-doubts that hover over your head.  It's simple to just decide to take action but it's not easy to put it in action.  As I talked to the traveling agent, my voice shook and the inner critic in me revealed itself once again.  I finally made the $200 deposit and I felt relieved because that hardest part is over; I finally saved a spot for myself on the tour and I will travel to seven countries in Europe which is something I have dreamed since college.  From this, I learned to embrace my fear because it is a part of growing and becoming a better version of myself.  Maybe it's not the external circumstance that hinders us back; maybe it's the inner voice that has always prevented us from doing what we want and from succeeding. And maybe it's best to just quiet that inner critic if we ever want to do anything great in life.

The Wild

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Life is a wild journey.  It has many narrow roads with loads of obstacles and unyielding path ahead.  We might not know which path way to turn to and which is the right path and we will make mistakes when we least want to and as a result, we have to live with the consequences.  In the movie Wild, the character Cheryl Stayed has hit a hard road in her life.  She went through many ups and downs and eventually decided to heal herself by hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. The trail leads from the Sierra Desert in Mexico to Canada.  Through out her journey, she struggled internally with the memories of her mistakes and lost  For instance, the death of her mother continually popped up and she struggled to accept the fact.  In addition, her seven years of marriage ended and the devastation of the divorce was more than she can handle due to the fact that the cause of it was her infidelity toward her husband.  Despite the tragic events, Cheryl decided to forgive herself and to move on with  life.  She discovered that only she and she only can find her way out of the woods and resolved her pains and heal her own grief. Similarly, in life, we all will confront certain blocks and rocks on the road we walk on.  We will make mistakes and will have to learn how to move on from it and continue with life.  It's not easy and it's not clear but it's definitely a skill we all can master.


Memorable quote: “The father’s job is to teach his children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse to ride into battle when it’s necessary to do so. If you don’t get that from your father, you have to teach yourself.” 
― Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

Life as a Teacher

As a college student, I remember how I believed I had all the power to conquer anything life throws at me after i receive my undergraduate degree.  I remember how I thought I knew everything that anyone can possibly know which will help me in any career path and even in any aspect of life.  Then I got fire from a job a year after I graduated from college.  It damaged my self-esteem and at that point, I questioned everything I learned in school and the credibility of my education.  I was naive, innocent, inexperienced, and arrogant in all possible way and the worse part was I just didn't recognize it.  I thought the answers to all my problems were in me and that I was equipped to deal with all problems and this arrogance did not help me to resolve any of my problems.  I was a 21-year-old with a college degree who basically knew nothing about what it takes to survive in the real world.  Don't get me wrong, my BA definitely took me further in my job search, especially qualifying me for jobs that a non-degree holder wishes he can have.  But like many things in life, it takes much more than a college degree to survive the real world. 

In an episode of Shark Tank, two college students presented an item they created with the hope that the investors, also as known as the Shark, would invest their time and money in them.  During the interview, the investor asked about the valuation of the company and the two college students stated a number that was higher than what the investors expected.  The investors laid out the fact why they think the students were wrong and at every comment made by the investors, the college students argued back and even contradicted the comments.  At the end, the investor Robert H. stated, "It doesn't matter who you know, it doesn't matter what connection you have,  none of that crap matters when you get in the real world. Go out and get dirty in the real world." This hit the two college students hard and their faces show signs of children getting reprimanded by an adult.  This resonated to me since I am getting the real world lesson right now and it has been a difficult four years trying to adapt to the real world and learning from life but I think whatever hurt life causes in me, I feel I am much more matured now than when I was a 21-year-old.   I had all the theory when I graduated from college and i discovered that having ideas only does not take me far in life; the real world wants real skills; it wants people who have something that can help it grow its money.  "Life is cruel teacher, it loves to give you a test first then a lesson later," said Daymond John and I could not agree more to that.  In the real world, we will get kicked in the butt first before we get any wisdom out of it.  The good news is life does get bette after life kicked us since we eventually will have to learn a thing or two.  Remember, we have to be strong and stay positive since we are learning so much that mother nature offers to us.  

The Ideal Father

Millions of Americans come from a home with a single mother and no presence of their father.  Many of them grow up to be successful while many of them turn on the wrong path that leads them to unwanted consequences.  As most of us know, money plays a big role in determining a child's future; if a child comes from a low socioec0nomic background he or she will have to pass through numerous obstacles in order to reach success while children from a family with money are more likely to be successful in their goals and endeavors in life--of course, there are many American children who defy this general knowledge and go on to become successful entrepreneurs and professionals and are stable in life later on.  Put the financial part aside, we can say children's relationships with their parents play a big role in determining their success in life.  There is no question about that; children who grow up with two caring parents are more likely to do well in school and in their chosen profession.

In the recent YouTube video from Smarter Every Day, the host Destin, who is an engineer, based in Alabama, posted a video about his new born child.  He goes on stating how much he loves his family and how he loves being  a father and wants to be the best he can be to his children.  With the addition of the newborn, Destin now has four children and he loves them deeply and he is not afraid to share it; his children are included in the videos and he constantly verbalizes how much he loves them.  Destin sets a great example of how a father should be and his two millions plus followers. on the Smarter Every Day channel, will hopefully follow his path. As a woman, I loves men who care for their family and even better when he actually loves doing it.  We should all look for a man who would love our children as much as he loves himself. Why? In the end, what matters is the love the man brings in the home, not what he can bring to the table financially.  A wealthy man can have all the money in the world but if he does not love his wife or  his children, all the money will not be worth it; the saying money cannot buy love is true and many women can attest to this fact.  So young and unmarried women out there, remember to choose a mate wisely because in the end, what matters is the love he gives to you and your children.