Instinct

Growing up, I always had a difficult time trusting my instinct.  People call it the gut feeling, the intuition, the ego, the wisdom, etc.  For what's it worth, it takes time to trust this instinct and I have discovered that as I grow older, I come to rely on it more often when it comes to decision making. Not only do I rely on it with big choices per se, but it is used on small decisions such as where to eat for breakfast, where to get gas, how to do certain tasks, and etc as well.

Now I didn't wake up one day and realize that I need to trust this gut feeling and hope for the best; in fact it took years of experiences and many failures and trial and errors in order for me to come to the conclusion that this instinct is my best weapon against many harms in life and it provides protection against many odds in the real world.  I have failed countless of times in the departments of my love life, professional life, and career and after two years of working in the real world and having the time to reflect on what I did wrong in those areas of my life, the instinct becomes more real and tangent than ever. It all comes down to whether I choose to use it or not and it's very much beneficial to my mental and physical well-being if it is put to use. It's a tool that many individuals take for granted and leave it to the side until it is dusted and even rotten away.

I learned that when I begin using the instinct, it never fails me and it has proven itself to be trustworthy, reliable, and worth my time and attention.   It has helped me to see life for what it really is and guided me to the right path.  Sure there are days where I doubt it and wish there are more obvious signs on what decision to make, but when I give in to this instinct, I find happiness and inner peace.  So fighting this instinct leads only to anger and resentment and giving in to it has helped me to overcome many obstacles for the past two years.  The future is brighter when I look to this instinct for guidance  and I hope this optimism stays and lingers because it's worth holding on to it every second.

The Strange Place

I went to a Middle Eastern supermarket today in a neighbor city and my experience in there was taunting initially.  Most of the people there were from Persia, India, and some Middle Eastern countries. There were a few Asians there but I am sure they may have the scared feeling as they enter the land of the other people.  I generally do not like to categorize people base on their ethnic group in my writing but for the purpose of this blog, I will opt to do that.

After entering the door, the grocery part of the market was right in front of me, the sandak flat bread was to my right and people were in line to buy the $2 something bread.  I recognize the sandak bread right away and made a mental note to buy it but I chose to have a tour around the store before picking anything out.  My sister and I were distracted by the $2.99 blueberry stand which was right next to the door and had to pick up one since it was cheaper than other markets around our area.  My mom is known to be frugal and I guess my siblings and I pick that attitude overtime.

Then we headed to the food court. Food, glorious food. Recently, I have recently became a maniac foodie type of person for the past months and have came to love food; I love trying new food, new drinks, and even some alcoholic drinks.  Many women around my age have picked up the habit of eating out and loving it during undergraduate years and I didn't discover my passion for food until later on.  I guess as a full-time working person, I  have the means and finance to support myself without worrying much about if I have enough to buy the necessary or not.

The smell and presence of these exotic food did not quite attracted me at first. Yelp reviews were great, the reviewers gave recommendation and an outline on what to buy in the store, but the atmosphere did not give me the impression that the food were good and worth my attention.  Don't get me wrong, I love trying new food, and the presence of anything new captivates me very easily but at that moment, I didn't feel it.  For instance, once, I was a Mexican swap meet and saw a cup of the green pear cactus fruit and it held my attention for so long that I finally bought it at a Mexican supermarket (hey, it's cheaper there.) Those of you who have had the fruit before know that the fruit isn't that attractive in their outward presentation. The green cactus fruit especially is very plain and is not at all attractive compared to the colorful ones.

So back to the Middle Easter market. If I can like the an average looking fruit such as the green pear cactus, how come these new food didn't make me gravitate toward it?
After ponding about it, I found the reason: it's the people in the market.  Most of them were Middle Eastern individuals.  Persians, Iraqis, Lebanese, etc were all there. They gave me a look as if I didn't belong there and my social anxiety increased as I maneuvered myself in the market.  I didn't feel comfortable; if there were not as many people in the market, I would have the chance to think clearly on what I wanted.  I did not feel fitting in, I felt foreign and excluded.  My family and I stayed and finished our food and we left without any trace of rudeness from the people there.

Have you ever been in a strange place with people whom you are not surrounded by on a daily basis? If you have, you may have been scared and afraid somewhat.

Here are some tips on how to deal with the fear of being in a strange place:

1. Be comfortable with yourself.  I have became so much more comfortable with myself over the years and the feeling helped me to stay focus on why I was present at a certain place.
2. Focus on why you are there.  If you plan on doing a specific  activity or buy something, do it.
3. Relax. Take a deep breathe and remind yourself that everything will be okay.
4. Enjoy the time there. Fear will always be a part of trying new things, so it's best to just enjoy the present moment.
5. Talk to someone, anyone.  When you feel afraid, that is a sign that you are looking inward too much. The best way to defeat and suppress the fear is to talk to someone, anyone.  Today, an employee wearing a bright yellow polo shirt passed by me and I asked her a question. It helped me to forget my anxiety.

Being in a strange and new place is always a scary thing.  The good news is there are tips and ways to conquer it.

The Critic

The Critic. There will always be a critic in our lives. We will run into them in the most unexpected place and may not even be able to avoid them at times.  We fret over them and care so much about what they say and think about us as if our lives depend on them when there existence may have nothing to do with our daily life.  We may only see them in a small glimpse of our life and may even see them only once in our lives.  They are there and it is in their nature to critique and judge us even if we did nothing wrong to them and even if we are just being ourselves and just trying to live life.  For instance, picture a boss who always has something negative to say about you; no matter how hard you work on a project and how much effort you put into the work, he is never satisfied with your work despite how correct and innovative and spectacular it is. You cry and fret over this one person who seem to be such a big part of your life and whose ghost is always there no matter what you do. You sense his presence in your favorite restaurants, your favorite shopping venue, your home, etc.

What if we rethink about who this critic is? What if we define who this person is?  Is he worth your attention? Is he worth your time to fret over it?

I believe pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.  Critics will cause pain no matter what and they are everywhere, he will trigger our insecurity and shake our foundation and cause us to question who we are as a person. Over the years, I learned to deal with these people and some of the ways to deal with them are:

1. Ignore the critics. No matter what you do, they will always zoom in the negatives of your life.  Why bother give your attention to them? From my past experience, when you ignore them, they eventually stop what they are doing.  They crave attention and especially yours so when you take your attention away, their action will die down.

2.  Use the criticism to improve yourself as a person. Sure, the critics' opinion may seem outlandish but you have to admit that it may be right at some point. Do not let it get in your way of improving yourself. Take the opportunity to examine what they say and correct your action accordingly and use it to better yourself.  This is your opportunity to grow so don't miss out.

3.  Question what the critics say about you. Do they know you as a person enough to say that? Do they have the credential and the life experience to judge you? If the answer is no to any of these questions, go ahead and take a pass to their opinions.

4.  Focus on the people who love you for who you are and know you.  They are your foundation and they will help you grow as a person and you can lean on them anytime.  Put them as a priority in your life because when the storm comes, they will be the life boat that you want to get on.

All in all, critics are everywhere. They can cause pain but they can't hurt you unless you let them to.  My last note is to always create your life and don't let others define who you are.

Nostalgia

I was listening to some of the older Japanese songs that I enjoyed during the college years dated in 2005 and the videos bring back a flood of good memories of those innocent years where I didn't know anything about the world and life.  It brought back the happy time where I just live in my sheltered world and not giving any care about what the world has to say about me. I didn't care if I needed to make money, who I should marry, how to choose the right career, how to deal with people, etc.  It's the bittersweet feeling that I hate and miss at the same time and revisiting it would be a great ride.

In retrospect, I made many right decisions on some of the paths in my life. I chose to complete college rather than having no interest in education; there were time where I wanted to quit school and be a bum rather than going through the hardships that school created.  I hated studying for exams, hated testing, but what kept me going was my love for learning.  I came from a business family in South Asia and most of my family barely finished high school so education was definitely not our top priority.  We value integrity, honesty, hard work, endurance, and no doubt money but when it came to education, my family is not apathetic to it, we just don't know how to succeed in this area of life so as a result, many of my family members do not try hard to be the best they can be in the schooling system.  School is a game that must be mastered in order to succeed and my family has never master it so our attitude toward education is neutral. We know education will take us further than not having one but we ran into the problem of not knowing how it can enhance our life.  Today, I value education and see a big difference between individuals who have one and who lack it.  Education opens door to opportunities that some jobs can never and will never.

Life is filled with surprise and the process of passing the stages in life will not be easy at times. What matters is we keep going and when we look back, we will see how much we have grown and appreciate that life let us tread on that unwanted or wanted path. Things have to fall apart in order for better things to emerge and for us to grow as humans.

Meeting a Person

If I can meet any person, I want to meet Albert Einstein. My first conversation with him is how he processes information and thinks about the world.  Einstein was raised by an engineer father so he has always have a scientific mindset and was taught in a household where it is more than acceptable to be curious about the world around him.  Through out his childhood, Einstein had the opportunity to build models and mechanical devices because his father owns a company that manufacture electrical equipment.  All in all, Einstein was raised in a family that encouraged and promoted curiosity and free thinking.  Einstein learned to think for himself at a young age rather than letting other people dictate on what he should and should not do.  Secondly, I would drill Einstein on how he comes up with physics concepts.  His mass-energy equivalence formula E=Mc2 is seen in numerous textbooks in physics and even chemistry as well. We are all born with the same 
brain but his physics finding proves Einstein can process the information in a way that is more efficient and productive for the society 
compared to an average Joe.  Lastly, I would seek advice on how to survive failures.  During Einstein time being the assistant examiner,
Einstein must have been frustrated because he was not able to secure a teaching position.  I would ask him how to get over the dry period in life
when nothing turns out the way I want.  

How Do You Know You have Grown Up

My life has been a roller coaster for the past two years, disappointments after disappointments continue to torture me and bring back painful memories that I want to forget.  For what it's worth, I have grown so much as a woman and I feel like I am an adult now. I feel independent and more controlled of my life and the I-can-do-anything feeling is more tangible than ever in my 26 years on this earth.  I realize that I am a full grown adult now and there are evidences.  

Here are the signs that you are finally an adult:

1. You stop caring about little things. You stop caring about the bickering with your siblings, when a car cut you on the road, when people ignore you.

2. You focus on the important things in life. You focus on the relationships with your family and your significant others (eg boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend, friends).

3. You focus on the positives of life because there are so many things that are out of your control.

4. You speak your mind and you are not afraid to do so.

5. You do things to improve as a person not to impress other people.

6. You make your own decisions everyday. For example, you decide on where to eat for lunch at work, where to go for a manicure, etc. You do not allow other people to dictate your choice.   

7. You know your worth. No matter how many time people bring you down, you are not shaken by it. You know you have a value and the best part is you don't plan on telling other people and trying to show it off. Other people see it and know how you view yourself and they respect you for it. You stop trying to prove your worth and do not give any care for what people think about you.    

8.  You spend more time with your family and actually enjoy it.

9. You choose the right activities and people you want in your life and who you should avoid.  The people screening gets easier everyday as you gain more experience.  

10.  You become a natural leader. You initiate, plan, organize and finish the givens tasks and maybe even cherish the feeling of being in control.  

11. You stop trying to find the "One" and wait for the right time to come when the Prince Charming/or Princess would arrive.  

12. You learn that money is crucial to survive in all places on earth, no matter what people say how evil money can be.  

13. You are more logical. You use logic to solve your problems rather than acting on impulse and depend on other people. 

14. You have money to spend because you work hard for it.  You spend the money on experiences rather than on material things.  

One of Those Days

Have you ever feel like you don't want to do anything? I came home at work at 4:30PM and had my evening and night all planned out. My sister and I were about to go to a New York pizza joint and then maybe I would do little reading and watched How I Met Your Mother.  The only thing I actually did was watching some HIMYM episodes to get some laugh.  The next plan was to do some reading and then go to bed early since work begins tomorrow at 8:30AM.

However, the thought of actually doing some book work cause me to cringe and I find myself to turn away from the books.  I have been reading for countless hours for the past months and I have regain a lot of the study skills that I lost for the past two years.  I definitely can study but I just don't feel like it.

Life is like that, when you expect it to be certain way, life gives you a twist that you don't see coming  It's the ending of a Hollywood movie that the audience finds it hard to believe.  The best thing to do is to go with the flow and hoping things would work out for the best.  It's something I have learned for the past two years and it worked out perfectly; there is no perfection in life but going about life with the attitude of letting things take care of itself works and can relieve stress to begin with.  The important thing is to stay focus and carry the right attitude.  When we have the right attitude, we can get through anything.