The Little Things in Life

It's pouring raining in Southern California right now and as a 27-year-old adult, this should not be any surprise on my part as I have witnessed the occasion thousands of times.   What surprised me most is I am enjoying every minute of it and going out in the porch to observe the precipitation seems all right entertaining.  Like many kids, raining means no physical education class and recess, this means staying in door and watching the teacher picked-out movies or playing Heads Up Seven Up game with thirty other students in the classroom.  The thought of getting soaked in the rain was definitely not on my to-do list.

Today, I adopted a new perspective. Watching the heavy down pour deems entertaining and worth all of my time. As an adult, I should be enjoying adult things, such as going to the movies, hanging out with friends, trying out the new restaurants in the neighborhood, etc.  I do still find delight in those normal human activities but there is something about those millions of water drops that are enticing and even addictive enough to take my eyes away. Maybe I have grew out of my inability to enjoy the little things in life. Maybe I have changed the way I see life. Maybe I have grown up, maybe I finally learned how to accept life for what it really is and enjoy every moment of it.  Maybe.. for whatever reason it is it feels darn good to relish and embrace the natural part of mother nature.  Maybe that's what true happiness, maybe true happiness lies not on what we have and not have, maybe true happiness is being able to enjoy what life throws at you, no matter what it is.

Fake It

Don't fake it till you make it. Fake it until you become it.  

The first sentence is a common wisdom that generations have heard for decades and the latter wisdom echo it's contents and deepens its understanding further. 

As a woman, I still feel I am constantly bombarded with new problems every single day and for sure they have transformed me into a woman and helped me grow in many aspects of life.  It's an endless war that promises not to be relentless. The saying fake it until you become it is true.  I have been applying this concept for the past two years and it's working.  There are times where I want to give up everything and not have to deal with my problems and I literally have to fake it and I did and it worked.  For one thing, for the past years I faked confidence and made it through countless problems.  Don't get me wrong, there were days where I want to give up everything and leave my current life style and move far away so I do not have to confront them; the temptations lurk in the bushes somewhere and it pops its  head out now and  then and the urge to fall for it is very much there.  It's trap that is not afraid to hide itself.  Fake. It. People. Say. I fake  my confidence and feel like an impostor in many occasions but the good results of my actions keeps me on going back and repeat it. 

However, I discover that in order for any person to fake it until he/she becomes it requires many qualities  in order to succeed.  Here are a few must-have qualities in order for the fake-it plan to work:

1. Goal. You must know what goals you are achieving.

2. Be aware of the obstacles on the path of reaching the goals. In the game of chess, the player has to foresee the opponent's next move so as in life, you have to have an idea of what the next step should be.  Trial and errors will help shape your predictions.  

3. Having a support group.  This could be your friends, family, relatives, coworkers.

Of course, getting through problems depends on the background, history, and experience of each individual.  The fake it until you become it is definitely a model worth trying out now and then.    

Things Do Get Better

Adapting to change has been much easier for me now, compared to two years ago. I am able to adapt to personalities at a quicker pace than before and the obtacles are much easier to overcome and conquer.  Dealing with different types of personalities can be a source of frustration and stress, for example.  Two years ago, I had such a difficult time interacting with my coworkers. They were different from me and  being around them was almost a threat to my well-being.  Many of them were much better than me in many ways; many of them communicate effectively; many can listen very well; many can pretend to know everything very well; many can adapt to change much quicker than I can.  I used to have such a difficult time standing around my coworkers that I had to remove myself from the group so the uncomfortableness would go away. There were days where the only thing I wanted to do was to sit in my crowded and hot cubicle (the air was abnormally high at my old cubicle compared to my current space) and not have to travel anywhere else on the floor, and surely I did exactly that; I was known to some of my coworkers as the girl who didn't talk to anyone. 

The bad part about being quiet is that people have the tendency to gossip about anyone even if the fact is misinterpreted and misunderstood at all levels.  It's the Telephone game where one statement is misheard and the spiral of it continues to the end of the row and when the last person hears it, the statement has been altered and distorted so much that it may be 1000% inaccurate.  I was the victim of the gossip --and probably still now-- and experiencing the negative feedbacks from coworkers was unpleasant but however, looking back, I see the goods it did to me. It's definitely a life-changing event; I am more mature and stronger because the idea that no one gives a care about me is more tangent than ever and from that I learn to do everything for myself.  At that time, anger loomed over me and I felt trapped as if I had no way to get out of the hole that I fell in and I blamed myself for digging the big crater.  I wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel but the further I walk the darker it was and the exit felt so far away from where I stood.  I was trapped in my own negative thoughts and had no way to get out despite all attempts to find the exits. 

Today, I am beginning to see the light in the tunnel. I am in my 20s and the elders always commented how I have so much potential to do great things in the long years ahead.  Of course, as a depressed and discouraged person, I didn't believe them but the truth lies behind the thought speaks for itself in other people's life and I am a convert to the belief.  I believe I have a long road ahead of me and the opportunities to do great work are boundless and possible.  How did a depressed me turn into such a positive person in just 2-3 months? First of all, the good relationships with my family gave me confidence to believe what I want to believe.  I get good feedbacks from my family and the result from this is more confidence, I have more confidence because there are people believe in me.  

Secondly, I have came to accept my life for what it really is.  I accept that there are mean people in the world and they will do whatever it takes to take away my joy and sanity. The best part to learn was that if I do not give the bullies my attention they will stop; bullies feed on the victim's attention and I come to not let it happen every again.  I have accepted that I am not where I am supposed to be according to plan.  

Being more positive has helped me to adapt to life much easier. I am able to think more clearly as I sit with clients and deal with coworkers on a daily basis. I am able to get so much work done during the work hours.  It's true: life does get better, and the wait and patience will be all worth it. 

Work

I started working full-time two years ago and it has taught me so much about the real world and how to be an adult.  Work and school were two distinguished entity and play fields but the more I  spend days at work, the more I see how much work is just like school.  School is defined as  a place where children go to learn according to M-W Dictionary.com.  It's place, there is no particular location that school has to be somewhere. In the same way, work can be a school and it can be a better place to learn than school sometimes.  College and universities teach theories and the application of those theories are missing in the cirriculum so as a result many graduates find it difficult to adapt to the working world.  They are unable to do the hand-on work that is needed to be a successful candidate in training and employee at work, many college graduates get terminated and even quit their jobs because of their lack of skills.  Today, employers are looking for job seekers who have the skills and may even bypass the education because skills are more beneficial to the companies.

For the past two years, work has taught me so many valuable skills that will help me to do well in future jobs. I treat my job like attending a class. I take note about how to do certain task and how to react in certain situation where I am under pressure.  There are days where I feel like a puddle of shit and do not want to talk to anyone and deal with clients (seeing over 60 clients per month can drain a person very quickly) but as a professional and an employee, it forced me to get out and do something--anything--when I feel the opposite.  Sure, school showed me how to deal with certain task but work gives me the real life and hand-on situation where school failed to.  Work is school, it's a place to learn and when I started to recognize that I am more intentional about how my personal growth and feel I have grown so much.  

Quote of the Day

Here are some of my favorite quotes of the day:

1. "There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough."
2. "Never make a big decision when you’re angry, and never make a big promise when you’re overjoyed."
3. It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
4. Never let one bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.
5. The past can’t hurt you anymore – not unless you let it.
6. It doesn’t matter if you’ve failed or if you’ve been beaten.  All that matters is that you learn something, get back up, and try again.  Because winning is a good feeling, but winning when nobody else thought you could is an awesome feeling.
7. Knowing yourself is one thing, but truly believing and living as yourself is another.  With so much social conditioning in our society, we sometimes forget who we are.
8. Tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.
9. If someone can’t accept you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.
10. Take all the time you need to heal emotionally.  Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self
11. When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and despair and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.
12. When someone tells you, “You’ve changed,” it might simply be because you’ve stopped living your life their way.
13. The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
14. Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions
15. Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with
16. There are people in your life whom you knowingly inspire simply by being you.
17. ost of the time happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power; it comes from good friends and family, and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life
18. When something bad happens you can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.
19. No relationship is ever a waste of time.  If it didn’t bring you what you want, it taught you what you do NOT want.
20. You can’t always be agreeable. That’s how people take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set boundaries.
21. Don’t be afraid of going slowly; be afraid of standing still forever.
22. It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it how many times you get back up.
23. The best things happen when you least expect it.  Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

The first two days of this week have been an emotional roller coaster.  I felt low and happy as if I have bipolar disorder and the negative thoughts consume and engulf my head and no matter how many attempts of trying to get away from it, I failed at it every time and I gave in to them. I did some googling lately and fumbled on the article called 101 Timeless Lessons.  Now I have read some of these quotes before but re-reading them helped me to have a better sense of how applicable it is to my life. 

My favorite quote is "When something bad happens you can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you." For the past years, I have let my past haunt me. I allow it to define who I am, eat up all of my joy, and almost destroy me at some point. Two years have passed and I feel much better, I am slowly healing  but I still need more times to cover up the wounds and the strain and to stabilize my emotions.  My trials will only strengthen me and I will not let them drug me down and destroy me.  I have given them permission to destroy me and I will not let it happened again. Nothing is permanent so for sure these wounds will heal itself.  

You can check out the link to the quotes here:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/05/11/101-timeless-lessons/

The End of July

Today is July 29 and we have two days left until it is August.  Time has flown by so fast and I have grown so much for the past seven months of 2014. There were definitely ups and downs and at some point, I wanted to quit life and not have to deal with what was around me.  The past two years have been the transition to adult period of my life and it was tough and I was lost a couple of times.  I feel like my life is more in order now compared to two years ago where I didn't know what path to take and what is good for me.

I had my life all planned out three years back and it didn't turn out the way I mapped it so the realization was a big punch on my face.  I didn't know how to deal with the change and how to cope with the emotional strain that goes along with it.  I wanted to close my eyes and make it go away but it didn't and I had to confront it by myself without anyone holding my hands and walk with me.

The good thing that came out of my trials for the past two years is that I am able to make my own decision and trust my intuition now.  I have seen some of the worse things in life and gone through problems where I had to make my own decision and did things that I thought I was incapable of.  Because of them, I am a stronger and confident person and I want to grow more because I have grown so much.  My wish for the next four months of the year is to learn and expose to many things so I can continue to grow.

Reading

Reading  has been a favorite pastimes for many people for centuries.  It's time where we get to do our own thing and not have to care much about what other people think and say about us; there is no right or wrong way of reading and no teacher is ordering us what books to read.  This is the time where we give in our desire and self so that we may only the one to two hours of the activity.  

Numerous research has shown reading is not only good for the mind but it opens up to opportunities and expand the horizon of possibilities in life, any thing can happen in books and we come to believe it. Books give hope when the though of certain ideas is not a possibility in the real world.  It provides confidence and power to the readers; knowledge is power and the readers become to see the truth underlying the phrase.  Reading can takes us to the unknown land (Narnia anyone?) and to the bizarre and wizardy world of Mr. Harry Potter, basically going anywhere and doing anything is possible.  

All in all, reading has biological benefits but what's best is that it gives wings to the readers and make all things possible.