Our Emotions

"It will make more sense in years to come. Just be an observer, not a reactor, to your emotions.  Most people do not know that it's their emotions that are doing the thinking.  Your emotions are your emotions, but you have got to learn to do your own thinking," said Rich Dad, from the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad.  This reflects a lot of truth about the world around us.  As humans, we have logic on our side if we use it to our advantage; however, if we choose to not use it, we are letting our emotions thinking for us.  We are letting our emotions to direct our life when most of the time, they can lead us to places where we don't want to be or will have regrets later on.  I've been in this pit many times in the past, and looking back letting my emotions doing the thinking was the worst decision ever due to the many angst that follows it.  Letting our brain doing the thinking helps us to avoid situations where we don't want to be in and helps us to make wise choices that are best for us; so what should we do? Be the observer of our emotions rather than acting on it.  When we observe something, we don't let it get to us and irritate us and let it affect our thought process.  We see for what it is and take actions base on what is best for us.  This is something that take will take years for us to come to understand; it might not click right away, but we have to have hope that it will click.

Life: Give Up, Fight it, or Learn from It.

In the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, the author Robert Kiyosaki learned from the age of nine that when life pushes him, he can give up, fight it, or learn from it.  Mr. Kiyosaki learned this lesson from his friend Mike's father whom Robert decided to work for 10 cent hourly in order to learn how to become rich.  The wisdom is very useful in a way that we all can benefit from it and put it to good use as we get older and as we navigate life.  From the three options, learning from the pressure in life seems like the best option. But I think otherwise; there are times when the best options are to give up or even fight the battles in order to sort the problems. For instance, if a relationship does not work out, walking away from it may be the best thing in the world for you and your well-being and maybe at time of the happening, you may not realize it, but like Steve Jobs said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.  So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." You may not realize it is the best option for you but looking back, you may see that it's the best way to live.  As for fighting it, this might be necessary at times rather than letting things happen to you.  You know yourself so the best advocate for yourself is you; letting other people taking advantage of you will only lead to a negative outcomes at times; so the best way to solve problems is to fight it rather thing letting things happen passively in many occasions.  

Please keep in mind that how you deal with problems depend on each situation.  You cannot give up, fight it, or learn from every problem life toss at you all the time.  You have to use your best judgement and decide on how to deal with situations accordingly.  

Giving Your Brain a Break

Through out my school years, I have had to study numerous topics and had to understand complex subjects that tortured my brain many times--it sounds like  an exaggeration but that's how it felt for many years.  My brain had to work hard in order to memorize and understand the topics; and at times, it felt like I was working harder than many of my high achieving classmates despite how little effort they seem to put into the school work.  I did not understand why some classmates study only one hour while I had to study two to three hours on the same topics and get the same test grades, or worst, getting lower grades than them.  Years after I finished my undergraduate years, I realize that the reason why this is the case is that I did not know how the brain works; I did not understand the quirks of the brain that would have given me an advantage on my study and that would help me to spend less time and get more out of my studying.

I discover recently that the brain loves it when we give it a break.  Why? First of all, the brain is processing the information on the unconscious level, without our permission and notice; it is distinguishing facts and sorting and organizing information in a way so that we can understand it when we come back to study.  Secondly, when we take breaks, we are giving our consciousness a break; when we are studying, I don't know about you but it feels like I am using much more energy than otherwise and everything seems harder when we use only our consciousness.  For instance, I strain and lose my focus easily rather than letting the natural flow of studying takes over.  Breaks allow our consciousness to rejuvenate itself and to renew its fuel so we can reuse it in later time in another study session.

I want to note that this quirk does not only apply to studying for school purposes only; we can apply it in other areas of our life.  For instance, if we run into a problem with a friend or a coworker, we can take a break if we are stuck and are unable to come up with any solution; eventually, a solution will come up when we give it times.  We can use this tip for work- related project or problems as well.  I find that whenever I get stuck on a task at work, taking a break helps me to deal and find the solutions to the problems better later on.

The brain is a complicated organ and researchers are constantly learning new facts about it.  It can handle any learning situation but in order to do this we have to know its quirks and how it works. We now know that the brain loves breaks; so give it tons of breaks, and the paid-off will be obvious in the long run.

The First Time

The first time for everything is the hardest and the most strenuous part of any skill.  It is a process we all have to confront if we want to do something well.  For instance, if you want to have good people skills, you have to get out there and expose yourself to social settings rather than sitting at home and play in front of the computer.  We have to remember that the first time of anything is the hardest and it's the stage we have to go through no matter how embarrassed we are at first and how fidgety we get when we are in it.

There are many things we have to remember in order to get through the-first-time stage of anything:

1.  We need to acknowledge that we will make mistakes and know it is perfectly typical.

2.We need to check our motivation.  Keep in mind of the reason why we are doing this and how important it is to us.

2.  We need to have confidence; be aware that sometimes you don't have the confidence so the best option is to just do it.

One thing I learned over the years is that we do get used to something when we keep doing it.  Time is generally on our side when it comes to learning, when we keep practicing, no matter how much we fall and make mistakes, we will get it, it will click no matter what.  Why? The brain is wired to learn and it will get it.  So go out there and take advantage of any opportunities that will better us as a person.

The Game of Life

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it," said Jack Handey.  We all have been there at some point in life; we tried or are trying to see how life works and like Mr. Handey, there are times where life is just confusing and you don't get it.  We want to do well in life and live a satisfied and purposeful life; we want to leave this planet with a positive notes on it and not having any regret.  There are days where life does not make any sense and we wish we can make order out of the chaos that are surrounding us; we get frustrated whenever we run into some sort of unexpected situations and wish they would be solve by themselves.  If there is a magic wand that can make life more beautiful and more bearable, we would jump right to it and put it to good use. However, there is no such thing as this magic wand, so as a result, we have to play this game of life no matter what. We discover that we have to play it well especially if we ran into situations where frustrations are rampant.  In order to win this game of life, we have to play and we have to play smart, no matter what.

Here are a few steps I discovered on how to play this game of life well:

1. Know the rules- In order to know the rules of the game, we have to observe. Observe, observe, observe.

2.Know how things work in life- Know how each part of life works and functions and how they are related. We need to know how people, things, and everything on this earth work and how they fit in the whole picture of what we call life.

3. Set goals- In order to set goals, we have to know what is important in life.  From my own personal experiences and from constant observation, money and relationships are the most important parts of life because they determine our success--or what Americans call success-- and happiness in life.  There has a to be a balance between those two components in life and they are different for each individual.  Knowing what we want out of life will help us decipher what is important and our personal experiences will help us key to what they are.

4. Play smart- We cannot sit passively and expect good things to happen: we have to be proactive.  How?  We have to come up with strategies; like the game of chess (or any board games and sports), knowing the rules of the games is not enough, strategizing will help the players win the game.

Someone once said life is simple but it's not easy.  How hard or easy life is depend on your way of living and how smart you live.  You can decide to be proactive or life will just happen, when you let life to just "happen" you are wasting away years of opportunities that can turn into chances to live a better life.

Problem solving

Problem solving is a skill that must be mastered in order to be success in life; the skill is needed for professional and personal development and in all areas of life.  It's a skill that we need in order to survive life and to reach our goals.  It's easy to say "let's solve the problem" but the difficult part is can we do it under pressure and  under the circumstance where we least expect the problem.  For the past two years, I ran into problems in my personal and professional life and failing to use the systemic approach to the problem results in frustrations and regrets.  The good news is I learned from my past and I am able to think more clearly when problems arise.

Here is a systemic approach on how to handle problems:

Steps 1: Identify the problem.  We have to observe and collect the facts rather than letting our emotions take over.  As humans, we have the tendency to overreact when problems arise; this will not solve anything and we will be unable to see the problems clearly.  Accept and be aware of how you react to problems; it is perfectly typical to be scared and shaky a bit but do not let that feeling clouds your mind.

Step 2: Come up with possible solutions.  There is no one right answer to one problem.  You have to be able to come up with solutions.  Some solutions will work and some will not.

Step 3: Evaluate your actions.  You have to know what works and what does not work.

I was taught to follow these steps in school but it can also apply to real life problems, whether they are personal or professional problems.  The brain is malleable  and you can teach it how to deal with problems.  The faster you apply the problem solving skill the better you will be off in life.

The Wisdom from Little Children

As adults, we have the tendency to hold onto something that should not be held onto.  We held onto the anger, pain, mistakes, grudges, and other negatives that life gives us. Children, on the other hand, have bad days too; they get angry when another kids take their toys away, they get frustrated when their parents refuse to give them the candy they crave, they get irritated when their teacher yells at them.  Children have an innocence that helps them to cope with daily frustrations; this innocence consists of not just pretending nothing happens, but also taking in what happens slightly rather than over thinking it.  As children in the past, we all had this innocence and we lost it as we age; children can handle many setbacks without holding onto them.  Specifically, my nephews are excellent little people who can get over any frustration and move on with life as if nothing happens; I have a ten-year-old and a seven-year-old nephew who bicker numerous times in front of me; they yell, kick, and scream at each other and even at the adults sometimes if they do not get what they want.

As humans, we react whenever something happens; if something bad happens, we get frustrated and if something good happens, we become jubilant and express our feelings by smiling, laughing, getting excited, etc.  But being happy is not always the case in life; we run into problems where we do not expect and they may be beyond our ability to resolve due to our lack of experiences and skills on how to handle it.  The magnitude of the problems children run into is not comparable to adults but we can always learn from how the children respond to the stress and pressure of life.

Here are a few things I learn from watching children go about life:

1. Enjoy every moment. They enjoy their friends' presence and what is in front of them.  They make good use and be creative with what is happening at the moment.

2. They are great learner. They learn by watching; they watch how people respond to things and imitate it.  If they see an adult handling stress in a good approach, then they will imitate that.

3. We can be friends with children.  Teach us how to be open-minded toward different type of age groups; their presence and enthusiasm for life helps us get through the hurdles of life.

4. How to be observant.  Being observant helps us to identify problems and solve them.

5.  How to improvise.  My ten-year-old nephew is a master in this area.  If something happens unexpectedly, he can manipulate the situation and control it rather than letting the situation controls him.

6. How to let go of things.  If children are bothered by something, they easily let go of it and move on to the next.

When life gives us lemon, maybe we should make lemonade and celebrate the sweet things in life and children are perfect creatures who can do this.  People say children should learn from adults, but maybe we should take some time and learn from the children in our house.  Maybe, maybe these little children know something that we don't know on how to deal with life.