Distractions

Distractions are something that make it difficult to think and pay attention.  Distractions are parts of life--no matter what road you are in life; it can be anything, from people, noise, smell, objects, the roads next to your home, etc.  Once we realize something distracts us, our productivity decreases by increments at every minute of it.  It gets in the way of us getting our work done, it disturbs our concentrations and even prevent us from doing what is necessary for us. For instance, distractions at work is a big hindrance for employees to get work done; in fact, if a coworker comes by your cubicle to chat about last weekend and you find yourself in a position where you cannot get the report in to the supervisor on time, that will hurt your work ethics and may end you up with a written report or even termination from the job.  Either we learn how to cope with distractions or they will get us and hurt us.

Here are a few techniques on how to deal with the distractors in life:

Step 1- Identify what't the distractions.  Being aware is crucial to get rid of the distraction.

Step 2- Focus on what is needed to be done.  The key is to shift the mind from the unimportance to the importance.

Step 3- Brainstorm on ways to get rid of the distractions.

-->Here are a few ideas that work: 
a. Ignore the distraction. Don't think about it, don't talk about it.
b. Remove yourself from the situation.
c. Shift your attention to what is important.

Step 4- Execute the plans.

Step 5- Evaluate the actions.

People

The human race is a funny being.  We have needs, desires, and we know what we want and don't want out of life.  It's in our nature to be able to survive and search for the things that full fill our lives.  We buy one thing and then another one, hoping it will meet our needs and fill the empty hole in our heart.  We jump from one relationship to another hoping it will satisfy our thirst for love and acceptance.  When it comes to competition to get what we want, we fight to death even if it means to just have our hands on it.  The animal kingdom is similar to the human race many ways; animals want to be loved and mate with other species and compete with one another for food, etc.  However what distinguishes the human race from one another are the following:

1.  Humans are selfish by nature.
2.  Humans lie and are deceitful.
3.  There are nice human beings out there.
4.  First impression is important.  If we fail to make a good first impression, it will cost a lot of pain in our life.

The Danger of Overthinking

As I get older, I notice how over thinking became a habit over the years.  Over thinking is the voice in our head that over analyzes everything; for instance, we may over analyze the actions a coworker did today at work or that comments your supervisor gave you about the project you are working on.  Does he hate me or the project? Do they want me to wear this red shirt? Why did he do that while filling his coffee cup? Our college years taught us to think critically; we have to look at a subject from different angles and perspectives and try to understand why this or that happens.  This all deem good in school and when we go out in the real world, we realize applying this critical thinking skill can be harmful to our health.  We over think about our life; are we living the life we want? Is our life good enough? Over thinking can sometimes create frictions in our lives; we compare ourselves to people who seem to have better life and become unhappy when we don't have what other people have.  

Here are a few harmful effects of over thinking:

1. It stops us from doing what needs to be done.

2.  It hinders your growth.  The more you do something, the more you will grow as a person.

3.  It wastes our time.

4.  Last but not least, we stop enjoy our life.  

What must we do?  Sometimes we just need to put thoughts on hold and leap, or in another word, just do what needs to be done.

Mindy Kaling on Getting Wiser

"Things used to bother me for longer. Now if I hear some devastating, horrible thing about my appearance or my talent or whatever it'll only bother me for, like, 30 seconds," said actress and writer Mindy Kaling on getting wiser with age. Miss Kaling is a 35-year-old actress born and raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts.  Her father is an architect and her mother was a physician and they were both Indian born; they are highly educated people who pushed their children to do well in school.  In high school, Mindy excelled in high school and got accepted to the Ivy League college Dartmouth College where she received a bachelors in Playwriting. She is the second generation of the Indian ancestry living in the United States; most Indian Americans get in the field of science or engineering and she takes the unlikely path for her ethnicity.  Mindy does not have a typical Hollywood star body--she is what the public calls "fat" or curvy depending on each person's perspective but for sure, many people do not approve of  and do not see her in a positive light due to her physical appearance as a successful movie star and a woman in the land of Hollywood.

Here are a few things I learned from Miss Kaling:

1. She does not follow the crowd. She decides what is the good path for her rather than giving in what the majority says; she did not choose the science and engineering path like most Indian Americans go for. She is an independent thinker.
2. It's important to know yourself and do not let people take that away.
3. Growing older helps us to deal with problems better. As Mindy aged, she learned how to deal with what the public says to her better. She only lets it affects her 30 seconds only rather than for a long time.

Often than not, we care so much about what people think of us.  People say a certain comment about us, eg we don't eat enough health food, our fashion style needs a change, we do this or that too much, etc.and we tell ourselves that we don't care what people say but when a harsh comment comes to us, we sometimes take the blow badly: we brood over and over think about the words whispered to us and break every grammar part down to see its true meanings.  We say we don't care about what other think about us but we unconsciously do if we count how many time we over think and get frustrated over what was being said.

Of all lessons I get from reading about Mindy, I think aging plays a big role in personal developments for her.  I think it is fine to get frustrated now and then since that's part of being human; what matters is that we need to remember that aging will help us deal with problems much easier and when we remember this we have more peace of mind and can deal with problems much easier.

Being the Director

In an article called The Amygdala Report from the New Yorker magazine, film director Michael Mann shares his experiences with movie making and describes the functions of a director.   Mr. Mann states his job is to "manipulates by creating atmosphere, and he creates atmosphere by casting cities as characters." Mann sets the environment of a movie by picking out cities and characters. For instance, he describes a scene from his movie where manipulation was necessary to bring the movie together: "All of South Beach was occupied by old folks from New York in wheelchairs, and the whole city was beige.  So we painted everything, creating heat with vibrating pastels and turning the landscape into a twilight zone.  I'm attracted to twilight zones." As a director, his ideas are put in the movie, whatever he is attracted to and like, he puts every effort to include them in it.

The article made me thinking what if we are able to manipulate our lives like what a film director can, what if we can direct our own lives.

It seems like a tedious and mundane way to live.   There will not be any excitement and fun since we expect and know what will happen.  I do not see any reason on why we should be living since we are robots and dolls going about life with no goals in mind as all our steps are put out already.  We do not need any goal since we know how the outcomes will turn out.  Manipulation is an insecure way of dealing with life, when we attempt to manipulate something, we are uncertain if we can handle what is coming to us and as a result we do whatever it takes to control the outcome. Sure, we get a dose of landing ourselves in a bad situation now and then (think car accidents, bad days at work, conflicts, etc.) but when we are able to get through our circumstances, that's when we feel our self-worth and accomplishments coming together.   Life should be full of surprises and that makes life special and worth living every second of the way.

Obama on Criticisms

We have all been there: we have been criticized by someone.  That can be our teachers, parents, supervisors,  coworkers, friends, and so on.  We probably have had some anxiety and brooding over the comments because of the contents that was thrown at us.  We all have fell in the role of being the victims of being criticized on. The President of the United States Barack Obama has to deal with criticisms every single day, if not from the public, then it can be the people he works with; criticism is something he is is not unfamiliar with.  Being the President is not an easy job; not everyone can take the blows from the millions of people--or the entire World-- everyday. The media definitely shows no mercy toward him; across the webs, there are countless of articles on why Obama is the bad president and on the regrets of voting him for the second term.  Google it for yourself if you wish.

In a New York Times article, Obama opens up about how he deals with criticisms.  The funny part is he laughs after he was questioned about how he handles criticisms. As a human being, I'm sure he had had a rough time dealing with the criticisms from the press somewhere in his two terms. People says laughing helps the body to release the good chemicals in our brain and this in turns makes us feel better and more relaxed.  Maybe we should laugh it off when we get criticisms rather than getting overwhelm about it.  Maybe that technique is something we should all work on in private and put it in action in the public.

Furthermore, Obama goes on saying he tries to make a distinction between someone "who gives you constructive criticism because they're invested in the same things you are," as compared to "somebody just hating, just haters" who are "providing less constructive criticism where I can't really use it because no matter what I do, there may be something else that they're criticizing."  We have had comments come in a form of neutral talk as the speakers say it but looking back we realize what the words meant and the motives behind it, the motives might be of no help to you and in fact the purpose of the person saying is to pull you down only.  I think differentiating between the people who gives you criticisms because they want to help you grow as opposed to people who criticize you because they just don't like you is crucial in order to digest what was being said to you; it helps you to put things in perspective and deal with the criticisms better.  What people say is not always true and legitimate; and they may come from a bias point of view and have bad intentions behind their say (think gossips at work).  We have no control over what people say to us but we have total control over how we respond to it; when we are able to recognize this fact, we will have more time in our hand to focus on the more urgent matters in our lives and this will save us a lot from unwanted frustrations and heartache.

Last but not least, Obama states he focuses on what's important to him and keep fixed on "the north stars that steers you[him]" no matter what others say.  I think this is the hardest part when we encounter criticisms.  We may not be able to focus on what's important in our lives because we are clouded and blinded by the worries of what the critics say, though it may be false.  We have to recognize what's important to us and what would help us be a better person.

So here is the breakdown to how we should respond to criticisms:
1. Laugh it off.
2. Recognize who says the criticisms
3. Distinguish if we can use that criticisms or not.
3. Focus on what is important.

It's always easier said than done right? What if we put it in action, what if we actually do it? I can guarantee our life will be much brighter and we can feel like we can handle anything tossing at us.

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/22/us/politics/obamas-secret-to-handling-criticism-focus-and-no-tv.html?_r=0

Standing Up for Yourself

Standing up for yourself is not an easy endeavor.  It takes a lot of will and power from us in order to actually initiate it.  We are scared that it may not turn out the way we plan, we are fearful that life may turn north and the opposite of what we want.  Our mind goes into the "what if this happens" and "what if that happens" mode as we plan our strategy on how to defend ourselves.  We don't want to be found in the rut and not have a clue on what to do in the situation as the result of our action.  Maybe all of these "what ifs" are just excuses that can stop us from doing what we  need to do.

Being able to stand up for yourself is not an easy task, it takes a lot of confidence to find out how exactly standing up for yourself works and how to take the first step.  Sometimes we don't need confidence because we don't have any confidence to begin with.  The act of standing up for what you believe in will result in 1) more confidence 2) life long lessons. You may encounter a lesson that you were not expecting at all.  3) a better you.

In order to reap the benefits, ones must have the following prerequisites:

1. Courage and determination.
2. Acknowledge the fact you may lose or win the battle.
3. Have a goal. This will be the driving force and motivation when things get rough.
4. You just have to do it in order to experience it.  You have to leap and not over think about the situation. When we over think, we have a tendency not do anything.

H.G. Wells once said, "If you fell down yesterday, stand up today." It's never too late to stand up for yourself.